I heard a voice from within my soul. I heard the words loud and clear. These words did not come from the typical voices inside my head. It was gentle and calm, so I listened closely.
“Why don’t you be the one to fix it?”
“Fix it. You fix the thing that left you broken.”
On that day foundations for a new resolve, a new way to live my life were laid. To be able to achieve this goal, I started to write down who I need to be.
I am a work in progress; saying this is the most liberating thing. It has taken me a long time to be able to reach this point and accept it. I do this thing where I focus my energy on figuring things out which puts pressure on myself, knowing that I am a work in progress gives me the strength to keep on fighting instead of crashing from my weaknesses flaunting themselves in front of me.
To understand that I am a work in progress I had to realise that there is a person I wish to be; but in order to reach her I need to love the present me. Loving myself is harder but needed, it means I forgive myself and support myself instead and tearing myself down. I also had to accept and believe that I am loved by God, for who I am right now. Realising that I am loved put me in a place of rest, that I do not I have to try to earn love when it is already flowing out from within me.
My perspective will be the key to reaching the person of strength. I need to be encouraged to grow to become a better me. Not a perfect me! I want to be a better me, the best version of myself.
I want to be someone who is responsible which includes owing up for my mistakes, not shifting blame and also being able to forgive when hurt and wrong doings are handed to me.
I want to be someone who is authentic and genuinely cares about people, I want to see all my relationships as acts of service where I give and I am less concerned what I am getting out of it.
I want to be someone who is passionate and involved but also aware that I cannot be committed to everything and scattered focus is not beneficial.
I want to be someone who see’s challenges and struggles as blessings for greater purpose.
I want to be someone who is fearless and confident because she knows her strength comes from within.
This is the person I want to be. In order to fix the wounds on the earth that broke me I need to become her. To be able to fulfil my path and purpose I need to become the healer that I was seeking out.