Sometimes, I feel time suddenly hits a skip button; it felt like yesterday I was welcoming in the new year and the next minute it is coming close to the middle of February of this current year. It hasn’t necessary gone by without me noticing, it just feels like sometimes I wake up and I am in different stage of life. I know how it happened but it sometimes feels like oh it’s this day already! The thought “the days are long, but the years are short” come to my mind while I am writing this.
One day I will wake up and not be a young adult anymore, at that point I want to be able to smile back at my life knowing that I did everything I knew how to do to fulfil purpose. I know life is such a temporary place and humans are so fragile. I know that I will not always be able to say I am young and still have years ahead of me.
I become haunted by my past when I get stuck thinking about time. I have ghosts hovering around me telling me I am running out of time and I am not young forever.
The truth is, I am still young and learning and that is why those mistakes happened. To empower myself I think about a talk from Oprah where she says “When you know better, you do better”.
I do not have to be held down by my past as honestly I cannot change it. I no longer want to live in my past, residency here is draining; my neighbours are called ‘what if’s and why did you’. At the cinema the movies playing are re-runs of my lowest points. The newspaper is always filled with stories of how I wasted my time. There is no encouraging spot in this place of regret, so moving out is best for my health.
So I am freeing myself of my past mistakes and failures. Walking on a new path called hope and focusing on building a new city called growth.
On this journey I will focus on my future while remembering the lessons handed to me from my mistakes so I can in fact do better next time. I’ll do my best to be wise, plan and think about others. This is not a bulletproof city, I cannot avoid pain completely but I can choose how to receive it better and make it work in my favour.
However, I know I cannot build this city alone. So I made an agreement with time.
I decided to make a deal with time. I asked her to be patient with me because I am a flawed human and in return I will keep moving forward with her.
I asked time that if I continue working hard and focusing on my path in due season will she send me the fruits of my labour.
I have asked time to support me and she said yes, because she is for me and has a lot in store for me. Time gave me one condition.
To move forward with her, I need to let go.