I have this reluctance to give up on what I want, even though I know that it might not be good for me or there is something else that better suits me; I tell myself I cannot and will not be happy without it. So I make various attempts to secure my desire. The plans and methods of approach change but the goal remains the same. Again and again I try to gain the objection of my affection; the thing I believe is a missing part of me. It never ends well every time I pursue this thing.
A chance to try at this thing again seems to be in view, as I have not learnt my lesson completely from the past mistakes and failures I still have thoughts that “I should give it another go”.
The lesson that I am not taking down is simple.
‘It did not work out, because it was not right for you’
There are other life classes I need to attend but I keep re-sitting this particular one. Not willing to move on and continue my growth because I cannot accept the outcome.
I am stubborn because I already know it is not for me but I still try. The reason it is not for me does not mean there is something wrong with me or that the thing I want does not work. It means that the thing does not work with me. It does not suit me and I do not suit it. I am great and the thing I want is great, but it is not for my journey.
Chasing after this thing is causing me to lose valuable energy. My focus becomes blurred, I become distracted and I am taken away from my other priorities.
But I still cannot shake the feeling I need to try again, do things differently. I still think maybe if I go again I can get it right. I want it desperately. I want it to be for me.