To grow up, achieve goals, be surrounded by family& friends while travelling to nice places seems like an ideal life.
I always thought as long I live a good life and give back that will be enough to have fulfillment. What I want to do in the future and the type of person I want to be are thoughts that I have spent time considering. Choosing to live a life following purpose, I don’t aspire for materialistic or superficial achievement but to create a legacy. When I leave this world who would I have impacted, how would I have helped the world become a better place. I thought this was enough.
I cannot continue on like this.
I cannot continue because I forgot one thing. Knowing Me. To not have found myself while those other things are ticked off my ‘steps to an awesome life’ check list would be a loss. To go all my life and never have met myself would be a real shame. There is a different between knowing about what I can do and knowing what is inside of me. Spending time with myself means more that just relaxing while watching TV. Learning about myself is more than just evaluating and critising everything that is wrong with me and where I need to improve.
A transformation needs to occur within me. I must see my heart and core for myself. When I do not know me it is so easy to be lead by people or environment. Going into situations that contradict my values and cause me to consider compromising. Giving myself to the wrong things and coming back with a deficit. Feeling that in order to be accepted by people I must conceal the real me and so walk around with a persona that makes me uncomfortable. Allowing fear to dictate what I do because I doubt myself.
The truth is because I did not spend the time to get deep roots planted I have made mistakes. I take ownership of my mistakes and no longer want to play the blame game. Instead I choose to find me and allow myself to flourish. In the journey to come I still want to continue to be and do great things. But I will move forward with new motivation. One that is not external, that changes with the season but one that is internal and comes from a place of confidence because I love myself and know myself. I will get quiet with myself. No distractions. I want to know all of me, the good and the bad because they are all me.