Ain’t it funny how God was right all along’
I can only say that statement loud and proud while looking back on everything. Going through the process was really difficult. Even though there is still more to come, I am seeing differently again. Before I was sad, confused and even hurt by God. When it was actually happening I was too focused on the misery than the meaning behind it all. It was not what I expected so I began to shrink myself because of fear.
I was going through life, not being present and not excited because I did not see the bigger picture of the things that were taking place. I didn’t understand before as it never crossed my mind as a possibility. But I did not trust God and did not believe He was good to me. I believed God is great and He did good things. But I thought I was just an expection and didn’t deserve it so that’s why nothing good happened to me. I thought I was not happy because of me.
The way I saw God reflected in the way I saw life. I was holding on to things out of desperation and fear. I was being lead by my desire for approval rather than out of service. I’m still working on this area in my life, I’m praying to God to help me with my unbelief. When people don’t believe right they don’t think right which means they don’t live right. Hence my prolonged period of going through the motions of life not expectanted or enthusiastic.
Now I’m looking back with a smile because of what is right in front of me. That rejection that broke me and left me thinking why, has now become the thing that lead me to something better. God always knew there was a something better. He also told me when He said no through the rejection. But I did not see that His act was out of kindness so He could bring the thing I needed. Instead I saw it as just another disappointment. I began saying to myself ‘I’ll never again try, or care because I already know nothing will happen’.
My defeated attitude appeared while on scavenger hunt with friends. When the end of the race was close we made a mistake. I thought we had made too many mistakes already in the game and this was the final straw and there was no point continuing. I was almost ready to give up and start crying. I knew it was just a game but something in my head started repeating ‘this is the story of your life, you always try but never succeed’. The past was beginning to cripple me and I became downcast.
Friends are so important as they can lift your mood or bring you down. One of my best friends said let’s keep going. We finished the race and got to the meeting point. I could not believe that we were the first ones back. We won!
This was an example of how things happen in real life. When you don’t understand and things are not going as planned it’s so easy to give and loose hope. We give up because we think we’ve already lost. But that day I learnt about finishing and pushing through even when it doesn’t make sense.
When you push through difficult seasons, lonely times and frustration. When you start to change the way you see and think instead ‘how will this situation grow me’. You will get to a point, it wouldn’t be perfect but the view looks bright and the clouds are clearing and you’ll say. ‘Ain’t it funny how God was right all along.’