I say don’t catch feelings never catch feelings. But when I find someone who sparkes my interests seriously, I fall intensely and madly in love. Every time.
I say this is the one, it will happen. Every time.
In the past I’ve said that about each relationship and they ended unpleasantly. But I fell again. Third time lucky right. I’m being brave and saying it again even though the past is looking at me and saying ‘really’. I’ll say it again, this time he’s the one. Even if it doesn’t work out with him, I know next time I will also carry this belief.
I’d rather know I gave it everything and was as sincere and genuine as possible each time. I’d rather give everything and know I fought than give only a small portion of myself. I love hard when I love. There is nothing wrong with that.
Because I don’t do crazy drastic permanent life changing things while I’m in my feelings. I’m still smart as much as possible. So I’ll do it all again. And again. Because I love the feeling. I love the rush. I’m excited to find him. And I want him to know I was looking. Because I want him to know he meant enough for me to get up again and try another time.
Even though I get left hurt. I know when I look in the mirror I will have no regrets. I am no longer worried about what people will say, if they will laugh and pity me saying I told you. As I decided to own my mistakes, learn from it and get better. People’s voices don’t hold weight and if they start to talk too loud I’ll tell them yes it was what I wanted, yes it did not work out. But it was my mistake, what does it have to do with you.
I know what I am like, I will pick myself up again and try again. Brush it off and take risks because I know life is to short and I want the moments I remember to consist of actions I took with purpose. This was not a random, I am active with making sure I am not a passive character in my own life story.
At the end I want to be the girl who loved with all she had. Cared for others and wanted to share their pain. Though it got me hurt several times, I continued to shine and be a bright star. In all my relationships I added. I did not play with people’s hearts.