You can’t blame yourself for them not feeling you the way you do them. When it comes to matters of the heart you know exactly that it can’t be forced. You want to be with someone who is willing to break all their rules and walls to be with you. That uncontrollable love is what you deserve, so settling is not fair on yourself.
What have you learnt from doing things your own way?
I had to put alot of one sided work into the relationship at the start. It was tiring and made me constantly anxious for several weeks. I was down from thinking why is he not calling, why does he not want to see me. The plans and missions of trying to get around him were exhausting.
Why did you keep trying if it hurt from the start?
I must admit I love the chase. There is a certain rush of adrenaline that can only be released when you have a person who is the object of your affection. The if’s and maybes are just far too exciting and need to be explored.
What was it all for?
I know that I want to settle down. Find the love of my life then build our world together. I know that I want the commitment, the good and hard parts I want it all. As must as I act as if life can go the way it does in my fantasies, I know it won’t. So I see this past year as training ground. It has taught me how to deal with disappointment and pain. The importance of expressing expectations and needs. I belive all of it has helped me have a realistic view on how to go about relationships.
Yes there most definetly will be a next time. I will not retreat into a shell because I’ve been hurt. Even though it feels like I’m always heart broken, the truth is I will get up and go again. I’m not going to write 3 things I must do next time in order to be successful. As honestly next time might not be the last time. I’m hoping it will be but I’m not going to become fixated on that part.
Instead I’ll focus on having genuine intentions and positive energy. I can’t even say I’ll go slow next time, because I know what I’m like. However, one thing I am sure I will do next time is to laugh more. Real laughter, because I won’t be taking myself so seriously. Wondering what they think of me, because I know what I think of me.
I am valued and I am worthy of love. So bring on love, if you ask me I’m ready.