When you wear that bright smile of yours it calms everyone, they think you are happy and doing well. That was your aim great pretender, you performed at the highest standard. No one would be able to tell you’ve cried yourself to sleep every night for two months, because you hide your exhaustion and weariness with laughter and quick movements.
Internally you have been unwell for so long that you can function while falling apart. The level of work you produce will be efficient and you pour all you can into everything. For it acts as a release, for a few minutes you are not the depressed girl and you woo the crowds, getting them to fall for a persona that does not exists. That is how you get your adrenaline to keep going, the only time you feel your heart beat and come alive is when you are fooling the crowds.
Then you leave one day. It all caught up and you broke-down. No warning you just disappear, sometimes you send one letter saying you’re gone. Great pretenders are good at deceiving and leaving after all, it’s part of the act.
Those around would be confused, they will talk to one another about the girl with so much presence. For awhile they will wonder what happened to her and why did she go away then they would forget her soon enough.
She breaks everything she build, so nothing is left. The only way to move for her is to build again. It is not possible to see the great pretender hurting and see her again afterwards. To her weakness is the worst thing about her humanity. She runs from it. She hates when people say if they had known how bad it was they would have helped, it’s a lie they use to make themselves feel better about not noticing because they did not really care.
That’s why it kills her that she is unstable, she has too much pride. She would rather die than call for help, even though she knows she needs it. She would rather die than let you in.