I thought I would live a life of just trying to get by, doing my best to make something out of every day; I did not expect much and would have been fine to live in my own little world. I did not want more; more seemed out of reach.
Till one day I had a dream and I was exposed to something special in the form of a visual image. I was shown a glimpse, of what things could be like. I thought I saw a flowery view, what beauty and happiness really looked like. I was shown this magical scenery, then I was brought back to where I was originally; returned to my ordinary grey reality as I opened my eyes from the dream.
Since that day I have had only one desire. All my ambitions and goals pointing to one direction. For I am searching and journeying to recreate that vision, to make that dream I had one night long ago into a reality that I can live in. I will do anything to have that environment become my normal surrounding, so I am chasing and pursing it, even though I do not know how to make it happen. When I start to get consumed by the fact that I am stumbling and falling looking for a path, I try to remember and hold on to what I saw. I am encouraged to keep moving and to find it, but then sometimes if I think about it too long it starts to torment me because what I see before me is not what I have in my imagination.
The flowery view does not represent a perfect life, I am not running to have material satisfaction or status. Instead I am after the colours, the bright light and soft tones of the flowers. What my world lacked and what I am after is to be able to see properly. I was living blind to the things around me, with my senses shut and my heart closed off. I used to think of the fragile, vulnerable flower that requires certain conditions to flourish before my dream. Then it was revealed to me that flowers are living which makes them strong; they take the toxic air and produce a lovely smell, they allow themselves to be touched by the wind without hiding when it blows, and they converse with the bees. They are not simply alive, but a part of life.
That is what I want to see in front of me, how it is possible to not shut yourself off but to embrace the atmosphere as well as add to it. I was shown a little part of the scenery, but I know there was more to it than just the flowers; I know there was a bigger picture. While I try to recreate the flowers by understanding there is more to my world than just myself and those I selectively let in. I want to also learn about the bigger picture that revealed a piece of itself to me; I want to learn more about life and its beautiful colours.