Challenge To Change

Hey everyone, so I wanted to share the self development plan I had at the end of last year. I will talk about my experience during a particular part of it and what I learnt afterwards.

“This month I carried out a 30day challenge to heal my broken heart but also to reorganise my priorities. There is less than a week left and I don’t understand why I don’t have my life together yet. Haha like I sorta kinda thought that my determination would have driven me to someplace acceptable and I could maybe sorta kinda show off my achievement.

The start of the month was nice and refreshing; I got so much done with the new motivation for change I had, however, getting close to the end of the month I started to feel I was hanging on for my dear life. I began to wish that this month would not end because I was not where I wanted to be, I needed more time.

See I set out to fix everything that was wrong with me this month, because I have something to prove to everyone who hurt or has ever doubted me; they cannot see me down any longer.  I was determined that by day 30 I would be able to look in the eyes of those around me and say “I’m doing good” for the first time without it being a lie. People were starting to lose faith in me thinking I did not have a plan and I would always be unstable, so they began forcing their ideas onto me.

In order to not admit defeat, to not have to confess that I am still stumbling through life I need to be okay and I need to have things around my belt to support that statement. I can’t show face without something, with a medal they will have to praise me.

More importantly than all of them though, I have to something to prove to myself. I want to be able to know for myself I am progressing and not stunted. I want to be the person I dream of, and do all I set out to do. Asking this month to fix me completely was too much, I am aware of that but that’s how desperate I am to not remain like this anymore.”

Since then, I realised that I simply cannot rush this. I have accepted the challenge to change, but it does not have a time frame. The work that needs to be done within me has to be deep so I can sustain it. The last thing I want is temporary change, having everything to look good but only on the surface level. I can have lasting change if I focus on one thing at a time instead of everything at once.

Getting my emotions stable has been my focus for the last few months. There are some great days when I feel on top of the world and think my life isn’t too bad I am living my dreams. Then other days I am desperate and low from the feeling of lack of progress. This shifting of emotions constantly keeps me on edge, I can deal with things coming at me better when I am calm and positive. Achieving more good days than bad became my mark for success.

There are still some many things I want to change, such as improving the bonds of my friendships and growing my career. To do all that it’s crucial I am emotional stable to handle the responsibility. Though it has taken longer than 30 days, I don’t plan on faking it or taking short cuts. This is something that has to be done at the right pace, healing takes time.

Thank you all for reading this post. I hope that in your personal journeys for growth you allow yourself to go slow. What’s one thing you would like to change about yourself/life?

Watch the video below to inspire you about taking action today, by simply being present in it.

Jemima xx

 

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